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QaR
April 2008 
What is your relationship to conflict?
Posted on Apr 15th, 2008
by 
Frans
Frans
This is in Response to the Questions and Reflections for April 15, 2008:
I hate it!!! :-)
Access: PublicWhat have you learned from having your heart broken?
Posted on Mar 21st, 2008
by Frans
Frans
This is in Response to the Questions and Reflections for March 21, 2008:
I think Shakespeare had it right:
"It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved."
"It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved."
What does it mean to be in relationship?
Posted on Dec 27th, 2007
by Frans
Frans
This is in Response to the Questions and Reflections for December 27, 2007:
Can you exist without relationship? Would you exist on your own?
That’s what society and culture tell us pretty much from day one: we’re individuals, separate beings who engage in relationship, but essentially we are separate from the world – we are “over” the world, and we can manipulate that world to suit our needs.
How real is this notion of a separate existence? We have a relationship with our environment: the air we breathe, the food we eat, the ground we walk on, the lakes we swim in. Could we exist without our environment? It seems like a silly question but look at how we act…The way we live, in perceived isolation, gives rise to fear, which gives rise to resistance – the birth of ego-identification. Because we don’t “know” at a deep level that we are an integral part of the world, we project our fears on everything and everyone else, creating a living hell. We don’t always recognize this, because it’s the only thing we know. We always have to try and be something different than what we are, because of this fallacy. In day-to-day life, this shows in our reactions to small and trivial things such as the weather, traffic, work, our families – everything. “I don’t like the weather”; “I hate morning traffic”; “I hope I get that promotion”; “why can’t you leave me alone”. Because of this mistaken identity, we keep our relationships shallow. In a reality where we do not recognize ourselves as the world, we engage only on physical, emotional, sexual and mental levels and do not access the spiritual level of relationship, except on rare and short-lived occasions.
We speak of love when we commit to a long-term relationship with a partner, but all we really create is a co-dependency where both partners project their fears onto the other. We pursue happiness in all types of activities and in acquiring goods; we look to the outside world and our partners to make us happy inside and complete, and sometimes we do feel happy – when we get that new car or house, when we climb that mountain, when we are in a new relationship. Then, after a little while, it all falls apart again. The car isn’t fast enough, the mountain wasn’t challenging enough, the partner doesn’t act the way we want them to. So, we get a new car, climb a new mountain and take a new partner and it all starts over again…and again…and again. This is our destiny as long as we see ourselves as separate entities. We need to realize that we cannot exist outside of relationship, so that our actions will change.
When love instead of fear becomes the driving energy in our relationships we open up access to a different level: the spiritual. Now, we can engage with the world from the spiritual. We stop resisting reality, we no longer try to become something we’re not. Whatever reality is – no matter how it looks – is enough in and of itself and is recognized as perfect for this moment. Interestingly, this position of non-resistance opens up vast amounts of energy that we can now direct towards action – action that comes from peace within, what the Buddha called “right action”. If we give up attachment to any desired outcome we have entered a new dimension, where anything is possible, yet nothing is needed.
Any relationship can open us to this new dimension, since the spiritual is really the ground of all relationship. Entering this dimension has tremendous implications since it will change you completely. The energy of complete freedom – not freedom from anything or anyone, but true and complete Freedom, where nothing can hurt who we really are.
It sounds so easy, yet it is so hard. We have been conditioned by society and culture, by our education, our religions and our traditions to think that love is worth fighting for, that love attaches to outside entities: nation, colour, sex, religion, money and we need to grasp it with all our might. In reality, love is inexhaustible and the only way to “get” it, is to let it go and engage in intimate relationship with everything and everyone around us – intimate in the sense of spiritual.
This means that you no longer play the game of ”you belong to me” in your partnership because you don’t belong to anyone – and neither does your partner. This is the place where you realize that everyone you meet is a part of you, and you are a part of everyone you meet. Every moment is fresh and new and through every relationship you more fully experience Life and you open up further to Love. Love, Life and Relationship become One.
At first, this will seem nearly impossible. Until you remind yourself that outcomes don’t matter. The only thing in your power is to set the intention and stop resisting what is.
That’s what society and culture tell us pretty much from day one: we’re individuals, separate beings who engage in relationship, but essentially we are separate from the world – we are “over” the world, and we can manipulate that world to suit our needs.
How real is this notion of a separate existence? We have a relationship with our environment: the air we breathe, the food we eat, the ground we walk on, the lakes we swim in. Could we exist without our environment? It seems like a silly question but look at how we act…The way we live, in perceived isolation, gives rise to fear, which gives rise to resistance – the birth of ego-identification. Because we don’t “know” at a deep level that we are an integral part of the world, we project our fears on everything and everyone else, creating a living hell. We don’t always recognize this, because it’s the only thing we know. We always have to try and be something different than what we are, because of this fallacy. In day-to-day life, this shows in our reactions to small and trivial things such as the weather, traffic, work, our families – everything. “I don’t like the weather”; “I hate morning traffic”; “I hope I get that promotion”; “why can’t you leave me alone”. Because of this mistaken identity, we keep our relationships shallow. In a reality where we do not recognize ourselves as the world, we engage only on physical, emotional, sexual and mental levels and do not access the spiritual level of relationship, except on rare and short-lived occasions.
We speak of love when we commit to a long-term relationship with a partner, but all we really create is a co-dependency where both partners project their fears onto the other. We pursue happiness in all types of activities and in acquiring goods; we look to the outside world and our partners to make us happy inside and complete, and sometimes we do feel happy – when we get that new car or house, when we climb that mountain, when we are in a new relationship. Then, after a little while, it all falls apart again. The car isn’t fast enough, the mountain wasn’t challenging enough, the partner doesn’t act the way we want them to. So, we get a new car, climb a new mountain and take a new partner and it all starts over again…and again…and again. This is our destiny as long as we see ourselves as separate entities. We need to realize that we cannot exist outside of relationship, so that our actions will change.
When love instead of fear becomes the driving energy in our relationships we open up access to a different level: the spiritual. Now, we can engage with the world from the spiritual. We stop resisting reality, we no longer try to become something we’re not. Whatever reality is – no matter how it looks – is enough in and of itself and is recognized as perfect for this moment. Interestingly, this position of non-resistance opens up vast amounts of energy that we can now direct towards action – action that comes from peace within, what the Buddha called “right action”. If we give up attachment to any desired outcome we have entered a new dimension, where anything is possible, yet nothing is needed.
Any relationship can open us to this new dimension, since the spiritual is really the ground of all relationship. Entering this dimension has tremendous implications since it will change you completely. The energy of complete freedom – not freedom from anything or anyone, but true and complete Freedom, where nothing can hurt who we really are.
It sounds so easy, yet it is so hard. We have been conditioned by society and culture, by our education, our religions and our traditions to think that love is worth fighting for, that love attaches to outside entities: nation, colour, sex, religion, money and we need to grasp it with all our might. In reality, love is inexhaustible and the only way to “get” it, is to let it go and engage in intimate relationship with everything and everyone around us – intimate in the sense of spiritual.
This means that you no longer play the game of ”you belong to me” in your partnership because you don’t belong to anyone – and neither does your partner. This is the place where you realize that everyone you meet is a part of you, and you are a part of everyone you meet. Every moment is fresh and new and through every relationship you more fully experience Life and you open up further to Love. Love, Life and Relationship become One.
At first, this will seem nearly impossible. Until you remind yourself that outcomes don’t matter. The only thing in your power is to set the intention and stop resisting what is.
Relationship - what does it mean?
Posted on Dec 8th, 2007
by Frans
Frans
Can you exist without relationship? Would you exist on your own?
That’s what society and culture tell us pretty much from day one: we’re individuals, separate beings who engage in relationship, but essentially we are separate from the world – we are “over” the world, and we can manipulate that world to suit our needs.
How real is this notion of a separate existence? We have a relationship with our environment: the air we breathe, the food we eat, the ground we walk on, the lakes we swim in. Could we exist without our environment? It seems like a silly question but look at how we act…The way we live, in perceived isolation, gives rise to fear, which gives rise to resistance – the birth of ego-identification. Because we don’t “know” at a deep level that we are an integral part of the world, we project our fears on everything and everyone else, creating a living hell. We don’t always recognize this, because it’s the only thing we know. We always have to try and be something different than what we are, because of this fallacy. In day-to-day life, this shows in our reactions to small and trivial things such as the weather, traffic, work, our families – everything. “I don’t like the weather”; “I hate morning traffic”; “I hope I get that promotion”; “why can’t you leave me alone”. Because of this mistaken identity, we keep our relationships shallow. In a reality where we do not recognize ourselves as the world, we engage only on physical, emotional, sexual and mental levels and do not access the spiritual level of relationship, except on rare and short-lived occasions.
We speak of love when we commit to a long-term relationship with a partner, but all we really create is a co-dependency where both partners project their fears onto the other. We pursue happiness in all types of activities and in acquiring goods; we look to the outside world and our partners to make us happy inside and complete, and sometimes we do feel happy – when we get that new car or house, when we climb that mountain, when we are in a new relationship. Then, after a little while, it all falls apart again. The car isn’t fast enough, the mountain wasn’t challenging enough, the partner doesn’t act the way we want them to. So, we get a new car, climb a new mountain and take a new partner and it all starts over again…and again…and again. This is our destiny as long as we see ourselves as separate entities. We need to realize that we cannot exist outside of relationship, so that our actions will change.
When love instead of fear becomes the driving energy in our relationships we open up access to a different level: the spiritual. Now, we can engage with the world from the spiritual. We stop resisting reality, we no longer try to become something we’re not. Whatever reality is – no matter how it looks – is enough in and of itself and is recognized as perfect for this moment. Interestingly, this position of non-resistance opens up vast amounts of energy that we can now direct towards action – action that comes from peace within, what the Buddha called “right action”. If we give up attachment to any desired outcome we have entered a new dimension, where anything is possible, yet nothing is needed.
Any relationship can open us to this new dimension, since the spiritual is really the ground of all relationship. Entering this dimension has tremendous implications since it will change you completely. The energy of complete freedom – not freedom from anything or anyone, but true and complete Freedom, where nothing can hurt who we really are.
It sounds so easy, yet it is so hard. We have been conditioned by society and culture, by our education, our religions and our traditions to think that love is worth fighting for, that love attaches to outside entities: nation, colour, sex, religion, money and we need to grasp it with all our might. In reality, love is inexhaustible and the only way to “get” it, is to let it go and engage in intimate relationship with everything and everyone around us – intimate in the sense of spiritual.
This means that you no longer play the game of ”you belong to me” in your partnership because you don’t belong to anyone – and neither does your partner. This is the place where you realize that everyone you meet is a part of you, and you are a part of everyone you meet. Every moment is fresh and new and through every relationship you more fully experience Life and you open up further to Love. Love, Life and Relationship become One.
At first, this will seem nearly impossible. Until you remind yourself that outcomes don’t matter. The only thing in your power is to set the intention and stop resisting what is.
That’s what society and culture tell us pretty much from day one: we’re individuals, separate beings who engage in relationship, but essentially we are separate from the world – we are “over” the world, and we can manipulate that world to suit our needs.
How real is this notion of a separate existence? We have a relationship with our environment: the air we breathe, the food we eat, the ground we walk on, the lakes we swim in. Could we exist without our environment? It seems like a silly question but look at how we act…The way we live, in perceived isolation, gives rise to fear, which gives rise to resistance – the birth of ego-identification. Because we don’t “know” at a deep level that we are an integral part of the world, we project our fears on everything and everyone else, creating a living hell. We don’t always recognize this, because it’s the only thing we know. We always have to try and be something different than what we are, because of this fallacy. In day-to-day life, this shows in our reactions to small and trivial things such as the weather, traffic, work, our families – everything. “I don’t like the weather”; “I hate morning traffic”; “I hope I get that promotion”; “why can’t you leave me alone”. Because of this mistaken identity, we keep our relationships shallow. In a reality where we do not recognize ourselves as the world, we engage only on physical, emotional, sexual and mental levels and do not access the spiritual level of relationship, except on rare and short-lived occasions.
We speak of love when we commit to a long-term relationship with a partner, but all we really create is a co-dependency where both partners project their fears onto the other. We pursue happiness in all types of activities and in acquiring goods; we look to the outside world and our partners to make us happy inside and complete, and sometimes we do feel happy – when we get that new car or house, when we climb that mountain, when we are in a new relationship. Then, after a little while, it all falls apart again. The car isn’t fast enough, the mountain wasn’t challenging enough, the partner doesn’t act the way we want them to. So, we get a new car, climb a new mountain and take a new partner and it all starts over again…and again…and again. This is our destiny as long as we see ourselves as separate entities. We need to realize that we cannot exist outside of relationship, so that our actions will change.
When love instead of fear becomes the driving energy in our relationships we open up access to a different level: the spiritual. Now, we can engage with the world from the spiritual. We stop resisting reality, we no longer try to become something we’re not. Whatever reality is – no matter how it looks – is enough in and of itself and is recognized as perfect for this moment. Interestingly, this position of non-resistance opens up vast amounts of energy that we can now direct towards action – action that comes from peace within, what the Buddha called “right action”. If we give up attachment to any desired outcome we have entered a new dimension, where anything is possible, yet nothing is needed.
Any relationship can open us to this new dimension, since the spiritual is really the ground of all relationship. Entering this dimension has tremendous implications since it will change you completely. The energy of complete freedom – not freedom from anything or anyone, but true and complete Freedom, where nothing can hurt who we really are.
It sounds so easy, yet it is so hard. We have been conditioned by society and culture, by our education, our religions and our traditions to think that love is worth fighting for, that love attaches to outside entities: nation, colour, sex, religion, money and we need to grasp it with all our might. In reality, love is inexhaustible and the only way to “get” it, is to let it go and engage in intimate relationship with everything and everyone around us – intimate in the sense of spiritual.
This means that you no longer play the game of ”you belong to me” in your partnership because you don’t belong to anyone – and neither does your partner. This is the place where you realize that everyone you meet is a part of you, and you are a part of everyone you meet. Every moment is fresh and new and through every relationship you more fully experience Life and you open up further to Love. Love, Life and Relationship become One.
At first, this will seem nearly impossible. Until you remind yourself that outcomes don’t matter. The only thing in your power is to set the intention and stop resisting what is.
7 weird facts about me...
Posted on Nov 29th, 2007
by Frans
Frans
THE RULES:
1. Link to the person's blog who tagged you.
2. Post these rules on your blog.
3. List seven random and/or weird facts about yourself.
4. Tag seven random [?] people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs.
5. Let each person know that they have been tagged by posting a comment on their blog.
1. Link to the person's blog who tagged you.
2. Post these rules on your blog.
3. List seven random and/or weird facts about yourself.
4. Tag seven random [?] people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs.
5. Let each person know that they have been tagged by posting a comment on their blog.
1. I have little or no recollection about my past from before i was almost 14 - due to an accident where I hurt my head.
2. I had my first baby when I was 44 - earlier this year.
2. I had my first baby when I was 44 - earlier this year.
Elise
3. I still have a slightly screwed up relationship to money.
4. I had a 2-week-long peak experience when I was 21 - the whole world made sense and i understood pretty much everything. I didn't do much with it at the time...
5. I don't miss my family and friends back in Holland, eventhough I'm 10,000 km away.
6. I love my life
7. I love you
